Why People Communicate
There are different reasons why we communicate, is not only important but is vital for a human being. When you are communicating you are thinking about your self but also to other people you are…
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The secret sauce of writing that resonates
In the middle of that film, when the main character Bart Millard is ready to give up and walk away from his dream of being a full-time musician, I had an epiphany.
You can read the whole story here.
Writing from your deepest pain is hard.
Sharing it with others is even harder, if not seemingly impossible.
If you can be brutally honest with yourself, you can find some gold in your pain.
Oysters make pearls to protect themselves from pain. It all starts when an unwelcome intruder, like a grain of sand, gets inside the oyster’s tender interior. To fight back, the oyster coats the sand with layer after layer of nacre.
In case you don’t know, nacre is what their shells are made from.
Oyster farmers engineer pearls by purposefully injecting grains of sand into oyster shells, activating pearls on command.
Am I saying you should activate your own pain on purpose?
Not exactly.
I am saying that when pain comes — and it will — you should immediately find the pearl the pain is forming in you.
It’s not natural to make the most of your pain.
Of course not.
Looking at your pain takes courage.
Sharing it takes a bit of audacity. The reason is we have to push against some strong assumptions we cling to for dear life.
When we feel exposed, we lose our sense of security.
We can put a lot of energy into hiding the dark parts of ourselves. If nobody sees our flaws, then they’ll like us more.
Maybe they’ll even think we’ve got it all together.
At least we won’t risk being embarrassed in front of friends and worse, strangers.
Shame is cruel.
No wonder we avoid it like the plague.
You won’t get burned if you never touch a stove.
You won’t get killed if you never take a risk.
And you won’t be disappointed if you never commit to anything.
When you reveal something dark and potentially shameful, you find out who your friends really are.
The ones who tell you they understand and sympathize are your true friends.
The ones who are shocked and suddenly quit taking your calls are not your friends.
The trouble is you don’t know for sure who will do what.
So you sit on your secret and let it destroy you inside.
Gurus stand on lofty platforms. We revere everything they say because it sounds like it came from the mouth of the gods.
If you carved their words into a wall, we’d make a national monument of it.
The only difference is they have organized what they know and can present it in a compelling way.
Gurus can get traffic tickets. Their spouses can leave them. And if they forget an appointment, it’s as inconsiderate as when you and I miss an appointment.
If people look up to you, share a flaw with them. Tell them something stupid you did once. And let them know that sometimes you get scared, have doubts, and struggle to keep going.
Then what will happen? Your followers will be able to see themselves doing what you suggest. They’ll know you’re as human as they are. And they’ll still look up to you anyway!
When we hide our messiness, we spend a ton of energy pretending.
It might even work for a while.
The problem is when you carry the weight of the world, you get tired. The carefully crafted perfect exterior starts to crack. And then your mess oozes out for all to see.
Own your mess. Deal with it the best way you can. And please, don’t tell people you’ve got it all together when you don’t.
Your heart will thank you.
Every good story starts with a struggle.
We must know the answers to these questions. If a story doesn’t ask them, we end up spending $14 to sleep in a big, dark room for two hours.
Share your struggles with your readers. Chances are at least some of them are going through the same thing themselves. Your story can give them the hope they need to fight the good fight and win the day.
When you’re honest with yourself and your audience, your writing will be more riveting than ever.
It will be earthy stuff written by someone with dirt under her fingernails.
Why?
Because you’ve lived it.
Find someone you trust and share a secret. If that person is a real friend, they’ll share one with you, too.
That, my friend, will unlock the doors that have held back your genius.
Do it today and you’ll be a better writer tomorrow.
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