The void and freedom

No one really talks about what I call “The Void”, the feeling I had after the abuse I suffered, like I was just a body walking around, as if someone took away my soul from by body.

Yeah, the physical pain, the diseases, they pregnancies and abortions, the fear of sex, the fear of men, the PTSD, panic attacks, depression, all of that is real. You can say people notice when you are not well, and can see all of those things. Hell, they can also see the smile you fake while saying “I’m okay” or “I’m a lot better” when you are not. But the void, that damn void, the feeling of being used and reduced to just a body, that’s something we can only feel at 10 pm before going to sleep, at 7 am when we wake up, or at every hour of the day when we are triggered.

If you are reading this, this is a signal you are going to be okay.

You are gonna feel better, it’s gonna be so damn hard, maybe it would take you months or years but damn if you are not going to heal your soul.

Because, yeah, we can heal our bodies going to the doctor, and our mental health going to therapy, but our soul and spirit? That can heal too.

I don’t have a 10 step program about how to heal your soul after being a victim of sexual abuse because every process is different; like I said, mine took 5 years to fully understand what one day I’ll talk about later.

But you are gonna heal, and you are going to be so damn happy and free.

You are gonna be able to walk on the street feeling secure and powerful. Of rolling down the window of the car and feel the air on your face and smile. Of telling your story without crying. Looking yourself on the mirror and fall in love with you all over the again.

And that void is going to be so full of self love, respect and happiness, you won’t be able to remember how that felt.

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