The Search For Significance

Hello! My name is Jaret Maxwell; I am 20 years-old and I live in Kent, Ohio. My best friend Nate and I decided it would be cool to join efforts and create our own blog. What better way to kick off the blog then to tell our stories about how we became Christians or why we decided to accept Christ and devote our lives to him? I feel like this a cool time to do so, seeing as 2017 is winding down, why not look back on the years and see how God has impacted both of our lives?

Growing up I knew there was a “God”, I had an idea of him and believed he was out there. I thought the way to get to him was to be a nice person by doing good things. For example, help an old-lady across the street. I went to a Catholic church growing up, but that didn’t last very long. By the time I stopped attending St. Joseph’s kindergarten, my parents told my brothers and I we didn’t have to go anymore and we could believe whatever we wanted. I always wondered what she would have thought if I said I believed in the “Flying Spaghetti Monster.” I didn’t have anything going bad for me growing up: I had parents who loved each other and me, they provided for me, and I had a tight-knit group of friends that I had the pleasure of living across the street from. Life was fine and I enjoyed just hanging out with my friends until about 6th grade, when I started to realize that I wanted something else.

I wanted to be popular; I wanted to be the guy that when girls saw me they would faint. I wanted everyone to like me, I wanted to be the guy, the top dog, the freaking cat’s pajamas! I became so wrapped up in this search that it slowly became my identity. Being popular became my obsession; I started to push my close group of friends away by being mean to them in front of the “cool” kids. I remember my close friend Mat Oaks telling me that I acted different when I hung out with him and these cool kids; I immediately got super defensive and basically pushed him at the door. I decided to not be friends with him anymore.

In the middle of junior high, my Grandma passed away. This had a huge impact on my life because my Grandma was so strong, caring, and funny; she was an amazing grandmother and to see her go was tough. Her death caused me to think insanely hard about where I was going to go when I died. I remember staying up late at night, pacing back and fourth in my room, trying to think of all the possible outcomes of where I would go when I died. “Maybe I just get reincarnated into a dog… or maybe I go to heaven… or maybe I just float in this dark space forever!” I would say to myself. I remember when the “2012: end of the world” stuff was going around, I was terrified! I didn’t want to die and had no idea where I was going if I did! I had no comfort in anything after life! Because of this, my friends and brothers would always pick on me and make jokes about the world ending, I hated it.

Eighth grade starts, I was still pursuing this search for popularity, or, more truthfully, this search for significance. I got a girlfriend and we dated for about a year and a half. We started to get into sexual practices and I started to use her; I remember when this happened how cool I thought I was. I remember bragging to my friend, telling him how I was so much better than him for doing all this stuff I was doing with this girl. I thought I had finally found it: I had this girlfriend. I had some sort of significance, phew, mission accomplished! Boy, was I wrong.

I was still dating this girl, when my friend Joe’s brother had just returned from a trip to Florida with all his friends. I was hanging out with Joe and his brother invited him to his Bible study called “Beta.” Joe didn’t want to go alone so he asked me if I would like to tag along. I thought: “I mean, I have gone with him to church events in the past and it wasn’t terrible. Why not?” I went with him. I remember walking into a house which turned out to be this kids house I recognized from school but he was always quiet and I thought he was mean (it was Nate’s house). This wasn’t your typical Bible study: there were people in basketball shorts, cussing, and smoking cigarettes. I was very quiet and shy when I first got there; I remember a guy in a tie-dye V neck walked up to me introduced himself to me and asked me about myself, his name was Zak. He, and so many more, were so nice to me. I was astonished to see so many people take an interest in me and want to know more about me. I went to Beta for about a month and then I attended my first Central Teaching, or CT. I remember afterwards I was talking to my friend Ian and he was asking what I thought about this thing called “grace.” I told him I didn’t know what that was. He told me that God sent his only son down to die on the cross for our sins, and all we must do is pray; ask for his son’s death on the cross to count for us.” This blew me away because I was always told that you had to do nice things! Now all I have to do is this!? It seemed too good to be true. Ian gave me this book called “Discovering God” and I immediately started reading it.

The day after my talk with Ian, I was sitting in my room thinking if I wanted to accept Christ. I texted Ian and asked him “How do I accept Christ?” he replied with “that God sent his only son down to die on the cross for our sins and all we have to do is pray and ask for his sons death on the cross to count for us. That’s it.” I said okay and I did just that, becoming a Christian. I remember texting Ian back like ten minutes later and he responded with “DUDE! THAT’S SO DOPE!” I felt good; I felt… comforted, like my search for significance was finally over. I went outside and told Joe, he gave me a hug. I told Mat, who was coming to Beta at the time, and he told me he was going to accept Christ later that night. Amazingly enough, Mat and I accepted Christ the same day.

A week went by and my girlfriend and I got back into sexual practices, but this time it felt different. Instead of feeling good, it felt wrong. I felt like I was using her. It didn’t feel like this was what we should be doing. I told her I wanted to stop doing the stuff we are doing, which escalated into an argument. I decided that if I wanted to follow God 100%, I should end it with this girl and pursue the path that God wants for me. I did that and boy has God hooked me up since then.

Praise God I made that decision because he has truly blessed me! He helped mend my and Mat’s relationship and now he is one of my closest friends! He gave my best friend Nate, who, if it wasn’t for God, we would never be as close as we are! He gave me all these amazing friends, an amazing girlfriend; God has truly hooked me up. God has had such an amazing impact on my life. It just makes me think of Galatians 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and give himself for me.”

I went on a long and painful journey for significance, but everything I tried left me empty. God called to me like it says in Matthew 11:28: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” My search was over. God gave me all the significance and love I always needed but could never find. I am so incredibly grateful I made the decision to let God into my life and I am psyched to see where he takes me in the years to come.

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